Hey I’ve been doing some research (I’m new and still questioning) and I had an idea that I think would be more sensible than trying to add a third person straight into a couple and would like your opinion (please). My idea would be to have one person of the couple date the potential third person for a while and then the third person could start dating the other member of the original couple too before the triad is formed. I thought this might help reduce the stress on all involved but idk.
This kind of arrangement doesn’t really work, because it puts all sorts of prescriptions, demands, and expectations on the “third person” to date the other partner if they like one partner.
Think about how hard it is to find someone you ‘click’ with - someone you enjoy dating and want to be in a relationship with. Now imagine that you’re dating someone, and they go “also, as part of a PACKAGE DEAL, when you date me, you also date this other person! Who you didn’t get to choose, they’re just also here!”
It puts a lot of pressure on the “third” to like this other person. Even if you say you want to “take things slow” or “let things be organic,” there’s a major expectation there that “once you’re ready, you’ll start dating this person too!” What if they’re never ready? Most people I meet are not people I end up wanting to date. Simply being a partner of one of my partners doesn’t automatically make someone a perfectly eligible candidate for me.*
Almost no one likes being told who to date; there’s a reason arranged marriage is no longer in vogue for the most part. So this isn’t a very realistic plan, I’m afraid, since it requires someone essentially assigning a partner to someone else.
Ultimately, relationships are healthiest when they form organically, not out plans, arrangements, timelines, or prescriptions. If three people want to all date each other, let that happen. If it’s ultimately healthier and more sensible for a V-shape to form, well, it might be better to make that work than to try and force human relationships into an arrangement they’re not well suited for.
Check out this post, where I addressed a similar situation. Person A asking Person B and Person C to date is almost never sustainable or sensible.